Race Horse - Joke #1

Three thoroughbred horses are in their stalls when the first horse pipes up and says, "You know, in ten races, I have won five of them."

Hearing this, the second horse says, "That's pretty good, but after 15 races, I have won ten of them."

Finally the third horse looks over and speaks up. "Both of you are good, but in my twenty races, I have won fifteen of them."

Over in the corner of the stables there is a greyhound dog who has been listening to the horses boast. So not being able to help himself he clears his throat to get their attention and says, "All of you are extremely good, but of my last thirty races, I have won twenty-five of them."

All three horses just stood there with their mouths open in shock at hearing this. Finally recovering himself, the first horse shakes his head and says.... "Oh my God! A talking dog!"

Firefighter Joke #1

A fireman is outside of the station working on the truck. Looking up he sees a little girl wearing a fireman’s hat in her front yard sitting in a little red wagon. He notices that there are two ladder’s strapped to the sides of the wagon and a garden hose coiled up neatly inside. Then he notices that the wagon has two leashes hooked up to a dog and a cat.

Walking up to the little girl he tells her she has a really nice fire truck to which she smiles and says "thank you".

Then the Fireman looks closer and sees how one leash is tied to the dogs collar and the other leash is tied to the cats testicles. So clearing his throat he says to the little girl, “um.. you know, I’m not one to tell you how to run your truck, but I think if you tied that leash to the cats collar you would go a little faster”.

The little girl looks it over then replies “I suppose you are right, I would go faster. But then I wouldn't have a siren.”

Blond Joke #1

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blond employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrrr-gerrrrrr, Kiiiinnnng".

CIA Joke #1

The CIA is considering three women to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first woman comes in and sits down.

"Do you love your husband?" The interviewer asks.
"Yes I do, Sir." The woman replies.
"Do you love your country?"
"Yes I do, Sir."
"What do you love more, your husband or your country?"
"My country, Sir!"
"Okay...your husband is in that other room. Now take this gun and go into the next room and shoot him."
The woman goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. She comes back, all sweaty. She puts down the gun and leaves... she couldn't do it.

The second woman comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks her the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives her a gun, and tells her to go kill her husband. The woman puts the gun down and says, "I can't do it..."

The third woman comes in, same scenario. The interviewer gives her a gun, and tells her to go shoot her husband. The woman goes into the room, and - BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few minutes. The woman comes out of the room and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks at her and says "What the hell happened in there?!?!"

"Well," The woman says, "the gun you gave me was filled with blanks - so I had to beat him with a chair!"

Golf Joke #1

A man comes home from golfing and plops down on the couch just exhausted. Seeing how worn out he is his wife asks him what happened.

The man replies "Jack and I were on the third hole ready to tee off when Jack had a heart attack and died right there on the spot.

"Oh that’s just horrible" his wife replies.

He answers, "You ain't kidding. After that it was hit the ball, drag jack, hit the ball, drag Jack!"